The modern twist is Buy Now, Pay Later. It doesn’t feel like debt. It feels like a clever hack. It spreads the pain out, shrinks the monthly number, and removes the moment where you would normally stop and think. That pause is where self-control lives. BNPL shortens the pause to seconds and then acts surprised when people get stuck.
Compulsive shopping is not about loving handbags or sneakers or gadgets. It’s usually about emotional regulation. People shop to change how they feel, not because they need the item. The item is often irrelevant a week later, but the feeling they got while buying it is what the brain remembers. That feeling becomes a shortcut, and shortcuts become habits, and habits can become dependency.
Why shopping works like a drug for some people
Shopping gives quick relief. You feel stressed, you open an app. You feel lonely, you browse. You feel bored, you scroll. You feel like you’re failing at life, you buy something that makes you feel like a new version of you is on the way. That emotional shift can be immediate. It’s not only the purchase, it’s the anticipation. The cart. The checkout. The confirmation email. The tracking number. The small hit of “something is happening.”
That’s why people keep doing it even when they know it’s hurting them. When you’re compulsive, you don’t shop because it makes sense, you shop because it makes the discomfort drop for a moment. Then the discomfort comes back, often with guilt on top, and the brain goes looking for another way out. If shopping has become your main way out, you will keep returning to it.
A lot of people don’t want to call this addiction because the word feels too heavy for “buying stuff.” But addiction is not defined by the object. Addiction is defined by the pattern, loss of control, repeated behaviour despite harm, and reliance on the behaviour to cope with emotion. If you recognise that pattern, the label matters less than the honesty.
The BNPL trap, debt that doesn’t feel like debt
Buy Now, Pay Later works because it changes how the brain experiences cost. Paying R2,400 upfront feels painful. Paying R200 a month feels manageable. The problem is that you don’t do it once. You do it again. And again. And then your month is already spent before it starts.
BNPL also creates a sense of permission. It whispers, you can have it now, you don’t need to wait, you deserve it, it’s only a small amount. This is where compulsive buyers get into trouble, because the urge is strongest in the moment, and BNPL is designed to make the moment easy.
In South Africa, where many households already live under real pressure, high food costs, transport, school expenses, debt repayments, family support, unpredictable emergencies, and often unstable income, the BNPL model is especially dangerous for people prone to compulsive behaviour. It takes a stressed system and adds invisible obligations.
There is also a shame factor. People often don’t notice how much they owe until payments start stacking. Then they avoid looking. Avoidance doesn’t reduce debt. It increases it. Late fees, rescheduled payments, new credit to cover the old, and the cycle grows.
The emotional reasons people spend
Compulsive shopping is often tied to identity and self-worth. People buy to feel attractive, successful, in control, or “sorted.” Buying becomes a way to quiet the voice that says you’re not enough. That voice might come from childhood criticism, relationship issues, work stress, trauma, or just living in a culture that constantly compares you to other people.
For some people, buying is a way to manage anxiety. You feel tense, you browse, your brain locks onto a product and suddenly you have one clear task, choose the right one. That focus can feel soothing. It gives your mind something controllable to do while everything else feels messy.
For others, buying is a way to manage emptiness. You come home to a quiet house or a relationship that feels distant, and the online store gives you stimulation and anticipation. That’s why parcels become emotional events. The delivery feels like attention arriving at the door.
And for a lot of people, compulsive shopping is tied to shame and secrecy. They buy because they feel bad, then they feel worse for buying, then they hide it, then the hiding makes them feel more isolated, and the isolation drives more buying.
How brands and platforms fuel the behaviour
It’s not paranoia to say that marketing is designed to bypass rational thinking. Limited-time offers, countdown timers, abandoned cart emails, personalised ads, influencer culture, “must-have” trends, and endless scroll shopping feeds all target impulse. The platforms learn what you like and then serve it back to you at your weakest moment, late at night, after a stressful day, when your self-control is low.
BNPL plugs into this perfectly because it removes the barrier of price. It turns “I can’t afford it” into “I can afford the first instalment.” For someone prone to compulsive behaviour, that can be enough to start the slide.
This is why the solution cannot be only “try harder.” You are up against a system built to trigger you. You need structure, friction, and support, not just good intentions.
Practical boundaries that work in real life
The first step is stopping the automatic access. Compulsive buying thrives on ease. You need friction. Remove saved cards from your phone and browser. Log out of shopping apps. Delete BNPL apps if you have them. Unsubscribe from promo emails and SMS lists. Turn off push notifications. Remove the apps from your home screen. These sound small, but small barriers break automatic behaviour.
Then you need financial clarity. If you are avoiding your bank statements, start there. Avoidance is where addiction grows. List your BNPL commitments, credit accounts, store accounts, and subscriptions. Put them in one place. The goal is not to shame yourself, it is to stop the fantasy. Compulsion feeds on vague thinking. Reality shrinks it.
After that, build a rule that slows you down. A 48-hour waiting period for non-essential purchases is a solid start. If you still want it after 48 hours and it fits the budget, fine. But compulsive buying often collapses when you force time back into the process. Compulsion hates time.
You also need accountability. Many people don’t like this word because it feels humiliating. But accountability is how adults protect themselves when their impulse system is unreliable. That might mean a shared budget with a partner, a trusted person who sees your spending, or a financial counsellor. It might mean putting spending limits on cards or using a separate account for discretionary spending. The point is to remove secrecy.
The harsh but helpful truth
Compulsive shopping is not a personality flaw. It’s not “being silly with money.” It’s a coping system that has become destructive. BNPL and modern online retail make it easier to fall into this because they remove friction and hide consequences. If you’ve been telling yourself it’s under control because the monthly payments look small, you may be underestimating the total cost, financially and emotionally.
The goal is not to become someone who never buys nice things. The goal is to stop using buying as emotional life support. When you get that under control, you don’t just save money. You get your attention back, your sleep back, your relationships back, and your sense of honesty back.
If you recognise yourself in this, don’t wait until the debt is unmanageable or the relationship is broken beyond repair. Put friction in place today. Tell the truth to someone you trust. Get professional help if you can’t stop. The longer you keep feeding the loop, the more it will demand. The earlier you interrupt it, the easier it is to rebuild a stable life.
